Not Okay, But I'm Still Breathing
by ChaosAngel4us
Summary: No, Raysia was most certainly not okay with the outcome of the "Deborah Affair", as she dubbed it. She could forgive, but she wouldn't just forget. She wouldn't so easily allow everyone back in. She needed time to heal. At least her best friend Rosalya is there to help. -Alternate ending to episode 17 and alternate beginning to episode 18-


**Hello, everyone! This i my first time at MCL stories, but I think it turned out pretty good. I HATED how easily Candy forgives everyone for the Deborah incident and how it's up to her to find Castiel and make him feel better. Seriously? After everything she was put through? I think she has rights to be hurt and, of course, it's the lovely Rosalya to the rescue! Rosa and my Candy are best friends so I feel she would be the one to comfort Candy the most.**

**Anyway, this is kind of an alternate ending to episode 17 and a semi-alternate beginning to chapter 18. Hope you enjoy!**

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**I don't own My Candy Love or any of the characters or dialogue that is from the episodes, though I do own Raysia (in a way)**

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Castiel shook his head and walked off, leaving the rest of his classmates in the hallway. Raysia felt like crying when she saw him go, but there was nothing she could do. She looked around at all her friends who hadn't supported her. They refused to meet her eyes. Lysander approached her and gently patted her shoulder before following after his best friend. Once he was gone, the rest of her friends slowly scattered back to their classrooms. Raysia was left with only Rosalya and Alexy. Alexy opened his arms for her and enveloped her in his embrace. Raysia sighed, glad everything was finally over.

Alexy smelled like cinnamon.

Lysander caught up to Castiel in the courtyard.

"Castiel."

Castiel gritted his teeth in frustration as he turned to Lysander. "I don't want to talk about it." He said and turned to walk away. Lysander grabbed his arm tightly.

"I know you're hurting, but that is nothing compared to the crap Deborah put Raysia through these past weeks." Lysander said, eerily calm as usual. "Deborah turned everyone in this school, including you, against Raysia in a sick, twisted attempt to get her way. Raysia was an outcast, blamed for being cruel to Deborah when all she was trying to do was help you. She saw through Deborah's lies from the start and no one believed her."

"I don't want to hear this right now."

"I don't give a damn what you want or don't want to hear right now." Lysander snapped, anger evident in his tone. Castiel had never seen him like that before. He stared at his best friend in surprise. "You need to go and apologize to Raysia for how you treated her. She above all deserves an apology."

"Get off my back. I'll apologize when I feel like it." Castiel said. He shrugged Lysander's hand off his arm and walked away. Lysander shook his head, unable to believe how pig-headed the redhead was.

He walked back in the school and saw Raysia crying into Alexy's chest. Rosalya was soothingly rubbing her back.

"Raysia?" Lysander asked once he reached them in the hallway. She looked up at him and wiped her tears away. "What's wrong?"

"It's stupid really, it just hurts how everyone is avoiding me…"

"No one apologized?" he asked. Raysia shook her head, sniffling a little. Lysander grew frustrated. "I'll talk to you later. I have to go take care of something."

Raysia nodded with a forced smile. Lysander felt his heart clench at the sight of the sweet girl in pain. He was going to find everyone who claimed to be her friend and make them realize how wrong they were. Raysia deserved an apology.

"How about you come home with me tonight, alright?" Rosalya said, wrapping an arm around Raysia and leading her out of the school. Raysia smiled at her.

"As long as you don't mind waiting around for me to finish detention."

Rosalya smiled back at her. "Of course, sweetie. I'm gonna go home and clean up a little before coming back here to pick you up."

"Thanks, Rosa."

Raysia turned around and headed for detention while Rosalya quickly left the high school. After the teacher left her by herself in the room, Raysia pulled a book out of her backpack and started reading. She was interrupted by a knock on the door. When she looked up, she saw Lysander standing outside the door. She smiled and placed the book on her desk before standing to open the door.

"Can I help you Lys?" She asked. Lysander moved to the side and pushed the door open even further. Iris, Kim, Violette, and Melody were standing sheepishly behind him. Raysia looked up at Lysander.

"They want to apologize."

"You're making them, aren't you?" Raysia asked, hurt evident on her face.

"No! We just—" Iris started to say but Raysia interrupted her.

"Iris, just stop. I forgive you guys. Now can I get back to my detention?"

"Raysia—" Iris tried again. Raysia shook her head.

"Forget it. I'm tired and I don't want to deal with this right now. I will see everyone tomorrow."

Lysander watched as she closed the door and went back to reading her novel. Even from this distance, it was clear how miserable she was feeling. He turned to look at the other girls.

"We made a mistake…" Melody said. Lysander nodded.

"And now you see the consequences of your actions. You never even stopped to find out if Deborah was telling the truth. Raysia is hurt terribly and it's going to take some time for you to earn her trust back." He told them.

"It's not like we meant to hurt her." Kim said, crossing her arms over her chest.

"Regardless, you claim to be her friends and yet refused to even hear her out."

"She doesn't have to act like this though. We tried to apologize!" Kim insisted.

"She has every right to be hurt. And she does forgive you. She just needs some time to herself. It's very difficult to get over your friends betraying you." Lysander said. "It wasn't like any of you jumped at the chance to apologize first."

Melody nodded slowly. "You're right. We betrayed her trust and now it's up to us to earn it back."

"I don't want to lose such a good friend as Raysia." Violette added. "She was always there for me and even protected me from ridicule. I will do anything to fix this."

"Go home. There's nothing more you can do today, but starting tomorrow I suggest you start trying to earn that trust back." Lysander told them. The girls nodded in agreement and walked out of the school. Lysander followed a little ways behind them. Once exiting the school, he almost ran into Castiel.

"What are you still doing here?" he asked the redhead. Castiel looked at his best friend sheepishly.

"I, uh, thought about what you said. And you're right. I need to talk to Raysia."

"About?"

"I just need to talk to her!" Castiel nearly shouted at Lysander. Lysander chuckled and watched as he stormed inside the building. Castiel had never been very good at expressing his feelings. Lysander just hoped his hot-headed friend could understand just how much he hurt Raysia.

Castiel almost collided with Raysia as he walked down the hallway. She looked up at him in surprise.

"Castiel?"

"I'm sorry."

Raysia looked taken aback, not expecting his apology. "Um, it's fine. I need to go—"

"So we're cool now?"

"Yeah, I guess, you just ran into me, but I—"

Castiel grabbed her arm and proceeded to drag her behind him. "Great. Now let's—"

"No, Castiel." Raysia said, wrenching her arm from his grip and standing still in the hallway. "I don't want to go with you."

"Why not? You've never had problems with it before."

"I can't be around you right now, Castiel. Please leave me alone."

"What's wrong?"

"You really hurt me, Castiel."

"Well, I'm sorry for that, now let's go."

"No, Castiel." Raysia said, shaking her head insistently. Castiel started to get angry.

"I already apologized. Why can't you just let it go and forgive me already?" Castiel demanded, getting up in the smaller girl's face. Raysia stood her ground and didn't back down as he towered above her.

"I do forgive you."

"Then why won't you come with me?"

"Because it hurts knowing that even after everything we've been through together, apparently my friendship means so little to you that you would toss me aside without a second thought." She answered, holding back tears. Castiel felt his heart constrict at her admonition.

"Raysia—"

"You chose to believe the girl who hurt you the most rather than the girl who has done everything in her power to help you when you need it even when you tore her down and were rude and nasty."

Castiel had no words. He had screwed up and he knew it. Tears were falling down Raysia's face and she furiously wiped them away.

"I need time alone. To think. I can't handle being around you right now. It hurts too much."

He wanted to say something, but what could he say? He nodded mutely and after offering him a pained smile, she brushed passed him and walked out the front doors of Sweet Amoris High. Castiel slowly followed suit to find Lysander waiting outside for him.

"I'm judging by the crying Raysia it didn't go as planned." Lysander commented from his spot where he was leaning against the building. Castiel shook his head mutely. "Did you at least apologize?"

"Of course!"

"How?"

Castiel proceeded to tell Lysander how his conversation with Raysia went. Lysander sighed and resisted the urge to strangle the red head.

"You are an idiot. No wonder your 'apology' didn't go well."

"What did I do wrong?"

"You were very disingenuous for one thing and another thing is that Raysia has a point. You were cruel to her. Give her some space and she may come around." Lysander explained. Castiel ran a hand through his hair.

"But I don't want to wait! I just want things to go back to the way they were before."

"Castiel, that's never going to happen."

And with that, Lysander made his way home and left Castiel alone at the high school.

As soon as Raysia had stepped out of the school building, Rosalya was waiting in her car for her. She waved and gave Raysia a reassuring smile.

"Do you want to stop by your place to pick up some clothes for this weekend?" she asked. Raysia grinned.

"I didn't realize I was staying with you all weekend."

Rosalya winked at her. "Of course you are! Besides, we have to go out and get you some sexy lingerie." She explained. Raysia blushed a bright crimson.

"Rosa!" she exclaimed in embarrassment. Rosalya simply giggled as she climbed into the passenger seat. She drove off the second Raysia closed the door behind her, causing the blonde to nearly bash her head against the dashboard. She gave a Rosalya a sour look but made no comment.

Rosalya explained that her parents would be out of town for the weekend so they didn't have to worry about being "interrupted", whatever that meant. She then asked how detention went.

"It was fine. Lysander made all the girls apologize to me."

Rosalya gave her a sympathetic look. "I'm sorry, sweetie. He meant well, but I know it hurts to know they couldn't just apologize by themselves."

"It's alright. I just really don't want to talk to them right now. Maybe sometime next week, but not right now."

"Understandable."

Rosalya pulled up in the driveway to Raysia's place.

"Want me to come with you?"

Raysia nodded. "Sure, if you'd like."

As the two girls walked toward Raysia's place, a ferocious barking from next door startled them. Rosalya nearly jumped out of her skin, but Raysia approached the tall fence that surrounded her neighbor's yard with a smile.

"Hey there, Demon. Who's a good boy?" she asked, reaching over the chain-link fence to pet the Beauce Shepard on his head. The dog panted happily and licked her palm. She laughed and scratched behind his ear as Rosalya slowly approached her friend.

"Who is that?"

"This is Demon. He's Castiel's dog."

"I remember hearing him mention his dog. I thought his dog hated everyone but him?"

Raysia shook her head with a smile. "Demon took a shine to me and refuses to let me pass him without giving him some sort of attention."

She gave the large dog another good scratch before blowing him a kiss and walking to her own place.

"Bye, Demon! I'll see you later!"

The dark barked once before trotting to his front porch and lying on the steps. Raysia shook her head at the dog's antics.

Once inside, she grabbed enough clothes for the weekend, toiletries, makeup, and anything else she may need while staying with Rosalya.

"Don't forget the underwear I bought you!" She said with a wink. Raysia rolled her eyes at Rosalya, but complied.

Nearly fifteen minutes later, the two girls were in their pajamas making ramen noodles for dinner.

"So, you seem pretty close to that dog next door. How'd you end up meeting him?" Rosalya asked. Raysia blushed.

"Well, I kind of took him for a walk with his owner one day."

Rosalya gave her a sly smile. "Oh _really_…?"

Raysia smacked the other girl's arm. "Shut up." She said, bowing her head to hide her blush. Rosalya just laughed until she realized Raysia's embarrassment had given way to raw pain.

"Raysia?"

"Why didn't he believe me?" she asked, lifting her head up to show Rosalya she was crying. "After everything we've been through together and I finally thought we were getting close! How could he do this to me?"

Rosalya stopped stirring their dinner to pull Raysia into a hug. She gently ran her hand soothingly down Raysia's head.

"Hey, sweetie, it'll be okay."

"How do you know?" Raysia demanded, pulling away to look into Rosalya's eyes. Rosalya gave her a comforting smile.

"Because you still have me. And Alexy. And Lysander. And all the other boys. And even though Lysander made everyone apologize to you, you have them too. They were too scared to say anything because they felt terrible for not believing you. Lysander simply helped them along and made them realize just how hurt you were."

Raysia sniffled miserably.

"Castiel will come around. You know how pig-headed he can be. Every couple goes through rough patches like these, but you'll overcome them I'm sure of it."

"We're not a couple…" Raysia said, wiping at her tears. Rosalya stopped her.

"Careful, you'll make your face even puffier." She said. "And you're not a couple _yet._ Now go wash your face with cold water to help with the swelling. I'll finish dinner and we can put in a movie."

"_Zombieland_?" Raysia asked hopefully. Rosalya nodded with a smile.

"Of course."

The next day, Raysia was woken by a phone call from Alexy.

"Hello?" she answered groggily, still tired from the enjoyable sleepover she had just had the night before.

"Hey, Ray-Ray! How's my best friend in the whole world?" Alexy's cheerful voice greeted her. Raysia winced at the pitch of his voice.

"Tired. And now with a head-splitting migraine, thank-you-very-much."

Rosalya made a noise of complaint from her spot on the floor and tossed a pillow half-hazardly at Raysia. It hit her in the side of the head.

"Ow!"

" Be quiet then!" Rosalya shouted at her.

"You at Rosa's?" Alexy asked, recognizing the white-haired teen's voice. Raysia nodded before realizing he couldn't see her.

"Yeah."

"You both should come shopping with me then! We can get you some more cute underwear for that special someone~"

Rosalya popped up instantly at the mention of shopping. She snatched the phone out of Raysia's hand while the blonde sat there in shock.

"Hey, Alexy! Yes, we will totally meet you for shopping. We'll meet you at Leigh's store in one hour. Don't be late!" she said before hanging up and tossing the phone in Raysia's lap. "Get dressed and make yourself look cute! We're meeting Alexy in an hour to buy you more clothes!"

"I know; I heard you…"

Raysia tired pulled on her favorite pair of skinny jeans and a red tank top while Rosalya put on her signature white dress and dark vest with coat tails. She tossed Raysia a pair of high, lace up boots. Raysia looked at her in confusion.

"They're yours now! I have a million pairs and you can have these."

"Thanks!"

"No problem!"

The two girls decided walking to the store would be good exercise and left Rosalya's car at her house. It was beautiful outside and it helped lifted Raysia's spirits. Rosalya linked arms with her and tugged her along down the sidewalks.

"Raysia?"

The two girls stopped to see Castiel sitting outside at the café in town. Raysia gave him a small smile and waved.

"Hi, Castiel."

He smiled sheepishly at her and rubbed the back of his neck. "I wanted to properly apologize this time. I was rude and 'disingenuous', I think the word is, to you and I want to say that I'm sorry I hurt you."

Raysia's heart skipped a beat and she lowered her head to hide her blush. "I forgive you, Castiel. I'm sorry about yesterday too. I was really frustrated and I shouldn't have been so abrupt with you."

Castiel shrugged, slipping back into his usually rough exterior. "No big deal. What are you doing here anyway?"

"I'm shopping with Rosalya." She answered, motioning to her friend beside her. It was then Raysia took a good look at Castiel. He was wearing a red t-shirt along with a black leather jacket and black jeans with zippers in relatively random placed.

He could pull the look off rather well.

"Why are you looking at me like that?"

"I-I, you're clothes. They're new." Raysia stammered. Castiel snorted.

"No shit, Sherlock."

Raysia glared at him. "You know what I mean! I've been used to band t-shirts and stuff which were kind of stupid, but now…"

"Yeah, someone told me those other clothes didn't suit me, and she happened to be right."

"Well, you should listen to her more often!" Raysia exclaimed good naturedly, knowing he was talking about her. She smiled and Castiel smiled back, not his usual smirk, but a genuine heart-stopping smile.

"Don't worry, I fully intend to."

Raysia blushed full crimson and dissolved into a babbling mess. Rosalya came to her rescue and gently tugged Raysia away from the redhead.

"Well, it was good to see you, but we promised to meet Alexy today. We'll see you later." She told him. Castiel nodded and dismissed them with a wave of his hand.

"Alright. See ya 'round."

"Bye, Castiel! And thank you for apologizing." Raysia said as they left him at the café. Castiel nodded, turning away quickly to keep her from noticing his own blush.

Raysia had forgiven him. That was all he could hope for. It would take time to repair their friendship so it was back to the way it used to be, but Castiel was determined to spend as much time as possible making things right. He cared about Raysia, more than he cared to admit to anyone. But if their brief conversation was anything to go by, he was headed in the right direction.

He _would_ make things right. No matter what.


End file.
